11-14-08
My Loving Revenge
The anger your lust has brought me is like that of a hurricane to
a trailer.
Thou unlike a hurricane i will leave no physical damage,but i will
leave no trace their was anything their.
Your life to me is like a city of the panhandle of florida and while
i am in it I will slowly destroy what you have. For now you think the
storm has clamed but i assure you my dear this is but only the eye of
the storm the most dangrouse part. I am half throu destroying your
friendships like a hurricane ripping off the roofs of houses built
long before i came,and when i finally depart i will leave you with
nothing and no one and my loving revenge will finally be completed
About Me
- stphilip
- you will find everything i can tell you about myself in my writings.
1 comment:
Okay, Jeff. While I like the idea, personifying a hurricane, you're badly missing the mark. You spend quite a bit of time telling your reader what to see instead of showing them. You lack specifics (name a city in the panhandle) I would also suggest studying hurricanes, learn some of the terminology. You're overly wordy. You should read some poems by Charles Bukowski and see his style. Then branch from there. poetrymagazine.org is a great site to read some poetry on, also poetryfoundation.org. Read more, write less is my advice. Nothing to specific, question your line breaks, your word choice (spell check for fucks sake).
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